Day Four: Been There, Done That

Every year my Dad and I used to go fishing down is south Louisiana at Cajun Fishing Adventures, and every year on the way back we had some oddly intense discussions about a wide variety of topics. However one year things got particularly intense, when my Dad proclaimed that I kept dating the same loser over and over again.

I took exception to this for two reasons, while I've dated a loser or two, most of the men I have dated have been college educated and gainfully employed. I don't think someone who graduated from the Naval Academy could really be consider a loser by society's standards. So I was a bit defensive about the "loser" issue.

However, the bigger and more offensive issue was that my Dad said I was basically dating the same person over and over again. Which was not remotely true.

In watching the dating patterns of the people around me I've noticed there are two very popular trends. The first is to date the same "person" over and over again. Oh, the superficial characteristics may be different but the personalities are very similar to the previous relationships. We chose partners over and over again that share the same flaws as the partners before - they are controlling, unfaithful, or perhaps untrustworthy.

The other popular trend is what I like to call defensive dating, and it is far less common. People who practice defensive dating claim their previous relationship to be such a spectacular failure that they find someone who is the exact opposite of their previous relationship.

The problem with both of these methods is that there is no consideration made to what the person actually NEEDS out of a relationship. Let's face it, if one relationship with a controlling partner didn't work out, chances are another controlling person isn't going to work out any better. The defensive dater on the other hand is coming from a position of complete over kill, perhaps the relationship didn't work out because of a small issue but they blindly jump into a different frying pan determined that it will be different and therefore better.

I prefer to think of dating as a journey, I may not have always been traveling on the right road but the end destination is a healthy relationship and I have to believe each relationship gets me closer to that goal.